


See What A Fool I’ve Been

by KeiraKoi



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Brian May, Bisexual Roger Taylor (Queen), Brian May Being an Idiot, Friends With Benefits, Hurt Brian May, Hurt Roger Taylor (Queen), M/M, Mild Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Period-Typical Homophobia, Roger Taylor (Queen) Being an Idiot, Smile Era, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-03
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-01-31 09:44:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeiraKoi/pseuds/KeiraKoi
Summary: Roger had never really been known for his ability to recognize emotions. He really tries, yet no matter how well he knows someone he can't seem to gauge their emotions. Roger also wasn't known to be one that could commit to relationships with others. So when his long time best friend, who he’s recently been sleeping with, Brian May, tells Roger that he has feelings for him, it in no way goes over well.After a full month of dealing with a heartbroken Brian, he finally manages to move on. Now, after everything has already been said and done, Roger starts to realize he might also have feelings for him.Nothing works out the way Roger wants it to.





	See What A Fool I’ve Been

October 4th, 1968

"Brian! Too bloody fast!" Roger gasped out a little louder than he or Brian liked.

Brian removed a hand from Roger's hips and used it to turn Roger's head towards him. "Shh," Brian whispered against Roger's lips, "too loud." The small gap between the two was closed as Brian connected their lips together, muffling another whimper from Roger.

Okay, having sex in the University bathrooms is not where Roger expected to be after his stupidly boring lecture. He was just having a smoke in the bathroom, waiting for Brian to get out of his class so, they could drive back to his flat. He most definitely was not thinking that the small kiss they shared when Brian walked in would lead to this, but he wasn't complaining. Well, okay so maybe he was complaining a little. Even though the pleasure of Brian fucking him was coursing through Roger's entire body, being pressed up against the cold bathroom wall with limited room and noises he could make was a little frustrating, all he wanted was to let Brian know how good he was feeling right now but every time he tried to he was quickly hushed.

As great as the experience is, there was a bit of panic in the two of them, after all, they are in a public building where someone could walk in at any time. It also didn't help that in just a few moments another round of lectures and classes would get out. That meant people were bound to come into the bathroom, and getting caught was the last thing either of them wanted.

"Rog," Brian began, being interrupted by another moan from Roger, "We have to hurry, please." Roger knew that, anyone with common sense knew being caught having gay sex in a bathroom stall would have its fair share of consequences, but a very small part of Roger loved the idea of being caught like this, and the mere thought of it made him desperately moan out.

Roger dug his fingers into the tile of the bathroom wall, trying to grip onto something, a small suppressed whine escaped him as he made an attempt to speak, "Little longer," he panted out, "so close."

That statement proved to be true. Brian knew all the little spots that drove Roger crazy, and he knew if he angled his hips just a little more to the side Roger wouldn't last. And he didn't. Roger found himself yelling out into Brian's hand, which had covered his mouth in a last minute attempt to stop the noises Roger made. Brian didn't last much longer either, Roger always had that sort of effect on him, but he definitely was a lot quieter, only sighing as he pressed his lips together and closed his eyes.

They stayed still for a little too long, they still had the mess that Roger made all over the wall and the one Brian made that was currently spilling out onto Roger's thighs, but that didn't seem to matter to Roger, who held onto Brian when he tried to move away.

"Rog, come on we have to get out of here." Brian kissed Roger's neck as he pried Roger's hands off of him. Roger let go, letting Brian take care of everything as he breathed and tried to not let himself get turned on again at the idea that they just had sex in a public bathroom. He leaned back and opened his legs a little wider, allowing Brian to clean everything up. There was something he liked about how gentle Brian was with him afterward, he wasn't used to the treatment considering that sometimes people he hooked up with wouldn't even let him get off before they had already left, and the sense of safeness with Brian just made Roger never want to leave his arms.

After putting their clothes back on Brian opened the stall door and checked if anyone had walked in. Once he concluded the coast was clear he walked out of the stall, Roger following after. The two both stumbled over to the bathroom mirrors, taking a good look at themselves. They both looked rough, and the smell of sex radiating off the both of them wasn't helping.

They washed up a bit before they heard the sounds of students chattering as they walked out of their classes. As fast as they could, they ran out of the bathroom one by one, Roger first, then Brian so it wouldn't seem suspicious. Just as Roger turned out of the bathroom, he saw his friend, lead singer and bassist of their band, Tim Staffell.

"Hey, Rog!" Tim smiled and stopped walking. Brian came out of the bathroom a few seconds later and was noticed too. "It's kinda weird to see you guys here, I mean I was just gonna pop by Roger's flat to see if we could rehearse later tonight." Tim often said they needed to rehearse but more often than not it was just an excuse to hang around them. Brian and Roger just exchanged glances at one another until Brian finally got the courage to get them out of there before Tim went on any longer like they knew he inevitably would.

"Hey Tim, sorry but me and Rog really have got to get going, can't be late for," Brian stumbled over his words, getting slightly flustered and nervous, "for Roger's doctor appointment." Tim looked at them with an unreadable expression, maybe confusion?

Tim's gaze stayed on Roger a little longer. "You do look a little rough." Roger made a sound of disapproval, "Sorry mate. I'll let you two go," Tim turned, but then turned back, looking thoughtful, "hey uh, one more question. Why are you guys even here? Your lecture ended like an hour ago Rog. And Brian, you said you were busy after class with homework and songwriting," Tim laughed, confusion evident in his voice. Shit. A smile found its way onto Tim's face as he laughed again, much more heartedly, "You two weren't shagging in the bathroom, right?" The joke was quite clear, and it was clear Tim found it funny, but the same couldn't be said for Brian and Roger who found their mouths going dry, not having a clue how to even respond. Tim's smile faltered, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder, looking more and more uncomfortable the longer the two stared at him.

Before Tim had time to even consider what to say Brian looked at this old watch and spoke, "Ah sorry Tim we really gotta go, we don't want to be late, Roger really isn't feeling well." Then before Tim could even say goodbye to either of them or get confirmation if they would rehearse that night as he had suggested, the two were already making a dash for Roger's car.

As they got in the car, Brian exhaled like he's been holding his breath for hours, when really that conversation only lasted mere moments. Roger looked at Brian with dull eyes; different from his normal shiny, bright blue eyes, but still not a look Brian was unfamiliar with as much as he didn't like to admit it. It was a look of worry. Roger turned the key in the ignition, placed his shaky hands onto the wheel, and by some kind of miracle he managed to drive both Brian and himself safely back to his flat.

"That was a close one." Roger mumbled just loud enough for Brian to hear. Up until that point, the entire car ride was uncomfortably silent. Brian nodded in agreement and stepped out of the old car, Roger following after. They entered the flat, slammed the door, and collapsed straight onto the couch as soon as they were close enough. They could finally breathe, feeling much better in the safety of the quiet building.

Brian was the most terrified of anyone finding out about what they had been doing. They weren't together, more of really close friends with benefits, but still, even if that got out it would definitely be absolute torture. Brian likes to think he worries more about his own reputation but in reality, the main concern is Roger's and the band.

They both sighed in unison. Brian laid back onto the couch, Roger crawled on top of him and flopped down onto his chest. Maybe that quick shag in the bathroom really had taken the energy out of the both of them. Roger played with Brian's hair, twirling it's brushed out curls around his finger. Brian had really taken a liking to simple things like this, just the small things he knew wouldn't last forever.

 _Oh yeah_ , this wouldn't last forever. Brian hated that thought, the one that he was a temporary solution to Roger's teenage-like horniness, because he is a teenager, nineteen but still not quite there to being twenty, and that as soon as he found another girlfriend that Brian would go back to Roger's friend. Roger was never one to really understand the concept of loving another person, his everlasting commitment issues seemed to always get in the way of everything good.

Brian could wait to address this, and to be honest he probably should, having the whole " _where's this going_ " conversation wouldn't go well with Roger, but Brian figured if it wasn't addressed now it never would be. How much does he have to lose? A lot. He could piss off Roger and then every tie between the two would be cut, that's what he has to lose. Oh well, "Rog?" Brian slightly nudged Roger with his shoulder.

Roger looked up at Brian with those beautiful eyes of his and smiled. "Yeah?" He brushed his blonde hair off of his face and silently awaited Brian's next words.

Brian should've just stayed quiet, there was no reason to have this conversation right now. He kept going anyways, he couldn't just stop, "What are we even doing with ourselves?" Roger tilted his head, not understanding what the question was about. "With us, whatever this relationship is."

 _Oh_ , Roger swallowed, of course, the conversation Roger knew was inevitable with someone, he just didn't expect it to be Brian. Maybe he should've? Roger was never good at recognizing emotions and always just assumed that Brian had seen themselves as nothing more than friends who could provide sex when needed. Maybe it was supposed to be more obvious? Roger couldn't tell.

"Bri." Roger swallowed his next words, _you're my best friend_ , no, not a good way to start this. Maybe he could try to work around the question? "Does this have to be discussed now?"

Brian looked away from Roger, a little blankly, "I just want to know where you stand on this. Just know how you feel."

Okay, the answer was yes, it did have to be discussed now. Maybe taking the just friends route would work, maybe Brian was the one that was scared of this becoming more than it was. Roger began with a soft tone, "You're like my best friend and-" Brian closed his eyes, looking a bit hurt by that. Okay, maybe he still shouldn't have said anything along those lines. Roger swallowed, he didn't understand, and he didn't want to say something else that was stupid.

Brian sighed and relaxed his shoulders, this was something he most certainly wasn't looking forward to. He knew Roger would most likely have a hard time understanding what Brian wanted, but a strong part of Brian wanted him to understand, to feel the same way. "If we really are just best friends do you think we'd really be doing things like this?" Brian whispered. Roger frowned, the more he thought about it the more he realized just how bad all of this was. No, friends don't act the way they do. "Do best friends shag each other in their University's bathroom? How about sleep together every night after a gig with the band, or how about that time at the community pool."

A smirk was put on Roger's face as he remembered the pool but quickly was wiped away when he refocused on what Brian had just said. He took the time to let the words sink in. Maybe some friends did? He was sure after all, Tim and him had slept together, and they're friends. Tim didn't mind it but once he got a girlfriend their relationship had been closed off on that part. Tim broke up with her a while ago. That was filed away to the back of his mind as Roger refocused on the matter at hand. "I mean, I guess some friends do?"

Brian wasn't very happy with that answer. No, best friends don't do shit like this because that's why you have boyfriends and girlfriends, to do things like what they were currently doing. "Roger." Brian shook his head, "What do even mean by that? Have you not been listening to me at all?" Roger was listening, Brian just wasn't listening to him. He was the one that wanted to have this conversation, and he wasn't even willing to hear Roger's viewpoint on it. "How do you not get it? Have you just slept with so many people you don't even know what the difference between being friends and being in a relationship is?" Fuck. Don't say shit like that.

Brian seemed to immediately regret those words, that was clearly shown when he made a face and his entire body seemed to want to retreat back into itself. That struck a nerve with Roger, and they both knew as soon as it was said that the response wouldn't go over well. As soon as Roger's expression contorted itself into anger Brian's face completely dropped into a look of regret. Roger knew the, "I'm sorry," was about to be said, but he couldn't hold back, he had already sat up and pushed Brian away from him a little harshly. "Fuck you. How do you even have the audacity to say something like that?!" Maybe controlling what he said before he spoke would work better, but the next words were already stumbling from his mouth, "You really think I'm that big of a slut? Is that why you started sleeping with me in the first place?! Just cause I seem like an easy shag? Fuck off, Brian."

Ouch, even Roger himself got a little hurt by what he just said. Normally, the only reason Roger would ever say fuck you to Brian would be playful manner, all in good fun. In fact, Roger doesn't think he's ever actually cursed at Brian like that. No wonder he looked so hurt by it. If Roger had been maybe just a single fraction less angry than he was, he would've let himself and Brian apologize to each other, then maybe he could play with the curls of Brian's hair as they hugged and whispered how much they didn't mean what they said. But that's not what ended up happening, maybe it should have.

Brian wouldn't look at Roger, maybe he didn't want him to see the way his eyes watered or maybe he just couldn't face him. A short breath escaped his lips as he spoke, "You know I didn't mean that." Roger did know. In fact, he knew that very well, he also knew he didn't mean what he said either. "And I'm sorry I even said it because it's not how I think of you at all." Roger knew that too.

"Then why the hell would you even think of something like that, let alone say it?" There was an attempt for his voice to be just as sharp as before, but it faltered as he looked at Brian and noticed the small frown on his lips. Something about causing that frown made Roger's stomach twist into knots, he was too damn soft when it came to Brian.

Brian shook his head, "I'm just.. hurting a little. I wasn't expecting this to be how anything turned out between us." He paused, looking at his watch again, as he had done earlier in that day, and adjusted it around his wrist. Roger realized that seemed to be some kind nervous tendency of Brian's. Brian finally met Roger's eyes and spoke softly, brushing some of his blonde stray hairs out of his face, "Roger I like you a lot, and I just want to know if this can go anywhere." There it was. The words Roger has dreaded he'd hear with everyone else he's hooked up with, and it just had to be Brian who said them. Of course, it had to be him, because things can never be easy, things can't just work the way Roger wants. Brian liked Roger. "We can't keep doing this."

 _Can't keep doing this_. Roger shook his head, "Why not. Why can't we just keep doing this, you get what you want, you get me." The sentence was shaky and Roger hated it. He sounded so desperate it was sickening.

A look of sympathy, maybe, maybe it was the look Brian gave him when he wanted to seem happy but was quite the opposite, Roger didn't know what that look meant, but he knew one thing, he did not like it. "Just answer the question. Please?"

"I'm in college! We're in college! How am I supposed to know what relationships can go where?"

"You just have to stop being scared." Roger looked up, meeting Brian's eyes. Brian May. His best friend. His band mate. But was he ready for a relationship with Brian? A better question, did he even want a relationship with him? Roger broke their little staring contest, eyes frantically darting around. A relationship. The one thing Roger was terrified of. Maybe Brian was right. He just has to stop being scared. What makes Brian so much more special than others he's hooked up with. _He's Brian_. That's the problem, isn't it?

Roger took a deep breath, finally decided on his answer, "I'm sorry Bri. I just don't think I feel the same way."

Maybe Roger was just bad at reading emotions and people because Brian's reassuring smile looked genuine but his eyes told a different story, a story of absolute despair and regret.

Brian stood up from the couch, leant down and kissed Roger's forehead. He grabbed his jacket which had been thrown on the back of the couch and opened the front door. He looked back at Roger, this time the sadness had seemed to spread throughout his face and into his small smile. "See you tomorrow at rehearsal." And with that, he left Roger's flat, closing the door behind him.


End file.
